One of my friends, Helen Stevens has written two books. The first was titled Within The Castle Walls. The book takes place in a crumbling castle in Devon. I'm one of the characters in the book, Jacinta is an Irish Gypsy who roams around, reading tea leaves and forewarns the main character of approaching danger.
Before God saved my life, I went on a search, I wanted to know what life was about, why were we here, and why did so many bad things happen. I hated myself, others, and life so much. I wanted to find the answers and I wanted to be happy.
My search led me to buy many books. I was searching other religions and bought books on how to be happy, and how to be confident. I visited tarot card readers, I wanted to know what my future would hold, and was anything good going to happen.
I practised Feng Shui, Reiki. I had bought many crystals and other items. I bought many books on healing and self-healing. I even visited a hypnotist. Then bought tapes from a famous hypnotist. I practised meditation, Thai chi and yoga. I then started to learn how to read tarot cards and palms. I would also use a swinging pendulum to try and get answers.
However, after all my searching and trying to change a deep emptiness would always return. A deep void. I would smoke, drink alcohol, and self-harmed. Trying to fill this void but nothing worked. It always came back to a deep emptiness.
When God saved my life, I had never felt such peace, joy and love. I actually burnt everything I owned, the items I could not burn I threw in the bin. I had over two thousand pounds worth of items. No one told me to do it. I just knew I had to. I knew none of that stuff saved my life, that it was Jesus. That when I called out to God to save me, he sent Jesus, Jesus who heals and delivers. I knew all the rest of the stuff was a lie and that Jesus is the way, the truth and the life!